Observing panic.
The other day, I was driving to a meditation retreat when I felt a sudden sense of panic. This is something I’ve been dealing with for the past year, but especially over the last six months. It’s particularly frustrating because it seems to happen most when I’m driving, a time when I need to be focused. And yet, despite all the tools I’ve learned for staying present and calm, this sensation of panic rises in my body.
As I drove, I felt almost like I needed to pull over, just in case I had a full-on panic attack. It’s been many years since I’ve had one—the last time I experienced the physical symptoms was in my twenties—but here I was, feeling the familiar signs of anxiety creeping in. I’ve realized that panic often shows up when there are shifts happening in life, whether you’re consciously aware of them or not. Something stirs in the subconscious, even if you’re trying to push through it.
When I arrived at the retreat and entered the shrine room, I was still feeling that sense of panic. I worried it might follow me into the meditation practice. But as we began, Rinpoche led us in a grounding meditation. He asked us to visualize ourselves as sturdy and rooted as a redwood tree, firmly connected to the ground, unmovable and unshakable. We followed our breath and turned our attention to the sensations in our bodies, becoming aware of each part—from the soles of our feet to our foreheads.
At that moment, the sensation I was most aware of was panic. But instead of fighting it, I allowed myself to simply observe where in my body that panic was residing. I noticed how it felt—what were the sensations? As I became more of an observer rather than a participant in my panic, I realized it was just energy in my body that was misaligned, not something to fear.
I continued to bring my attention back to my breath whenever my thoughts would drift. Slowly but surely, I felt myself becoming more calm, grounded, and centered. The panic I had felt started to dissolve.
I share this because if you experience panic attacks or moments where you feel completely out of control, my advice is to simply sit with your body. Observe where those feelings are, notice the sensations, but don’t fight them or try to change them. Just be aware. For me, I know where a lot of these feelings stem from—I’ve been going through a divorce, and with that comes a lot of change and uncertainty about the future. It’s easy to get caught up in thoughts of what might happen, or to be stuck in the past, both of which are realities that don’t actually exist.
You don’t need to be a lifelong meditator to practice this. Just sit upright, observe the sensations in your body, be aware of your breath, and when your thoughts take over, bring your focus back. It’s an entry point, not only into meditation, but also into calmness, awareness, and acceptance.
I hope this helps if you’re going through something similar. And if you need guidance or support, I’m here to help.
